Alice and Jasper get a dog
by RebeccaMCullen
Summary: Entry for JaspersDestiny's Worst Story Ever Contest. A/J. AU/AH. Alice and Jasper get a dog. This is Jazz's thoughts on the matter


The Most Shitteous Craptastic Cuddlecock Crack Contest 2009

Title of your entry: Alice gets a dog

Penname(s): RebeccaMCullen

Pairing: Jasper/Alice, Bella/Edward, Em/Rose, Carlisle/Esme. (note: R/Em is implied, and barely see C/Es.)

Summary: Jasper's response to the dog he and Alice now own.

Disclaimer: Yeah, I really don't own Twilight. I found out about the contest and figured it'd be a lot of fun to write something and it be absolutely terrible and be able to get away with it. All errors are done on purpose. Including the one about when they got the dog.

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_Giggles_? Fucking giggles. Seriously? She's named the freaky dogg that looks lyke a cat Giggles? Gawd what was I thinking letting her buy the dogg and naming it. Stupeed mistake.

It had all started a cojuple months ago when Alice wasnted to buy an animal and was hell bent on having one to take careof. Claime that being hime anlojne was givinger hher aheadache. And she didn't want to be hime alone. HSe wanted a oet.

Being the nice guy I was, I figured that letting her get a pet was a fantastic idea. I wAS thinking starting oit small with a pet fish, but noooo_ooooo, she wanted _a dog. A fucking little dawg to take care of. And it wasn;'t one of those little tiny chick dawgs, it was one of those big Dobermen dogs. Those thing wwere facking scary as hell.

Man, nad her brother and his wife didn't help my cayse. They were finen with her getting the dog. The scary as fack dog that mades me want to cry. And they laughted when alice told me what its name was. Why the fuck would they let her name oit fuckling Giggles. Complete hell in my new apartment/. Personally I blame her borther fore encouraging her to want the dog.

I had met the cullen's abck in grade nine whern my parents moved us from texas to Washington. They were bitter old hags that wanted ot ruin ym life. Persoanlly I thnink it had to do more with maria then anything else. Thye hated her aparents for eosme stanfge reason anf neved told me why. Hell, I never understonfd why thehy isnsisted that ewe stary aapart, unless twe were realted.

That would be some schary shit.e

When I met alice, my parents instatnelyl loved her and her famyiyle. Her older brothsers were someones you don't upset. Emmett was scary as fucking hell with hiz muscles and his completely innocent look. And Edward was even worste in that scare department. He would be completely calm, and then get in your face if you pissed him off. God that was scary as fack whenz that first happened. Didn't want to see that shit again. Paying his girlfridne Bela did;t help much. She juts took my money and tried rather poorly to stalp him.

And my parents loved her preants bceuase they were a doctor and an interior designer who reidd old houses. Saved them money.

Fuckers.

And after I's met alice, a gril named Tanya came and thought I was cute. Alice got so mad at her for talking to me. The girl had just moved to Forks and we bonded over something. It was a shame that she was scared off to that private school.

In New York.

Fuck I still can't belive that we own a Dobermen named Giggles.

When we started to date she mentioned wanting a dog, but Carlisle and Esme wouldn't let her have one because Edward and the Chief hated them. Plus Charlie, Bella's dad, were allergic to them.

The cullen's did owned several fish at one point when the terrible duo known as Emmett and Edwerido were kids, but they were always over feeds.

When they bought a cat when they were ten, it ran away cuase alice kept giving it make overs. That's why getting her a dog scared the fack out of me. Why would anyone leave someone like alcie alone with a dog.

I hated when she went into makeouver mode. Bella always got out of it because she'd dumps the waters on Laice when she was over before she was takens away to the chabmer. Why Alive never used Rosal;e hale was beyond me.

Fore high school graduation she insisted that I wear a puppy tie instead of the plain black one I wanted to beucsae she liked them. I hated them with a passion. But because I loved Alice I wore them. Just fore her was what I kept saying in ma head to avoid puking at the time.

When we staretd college, Bella was to room with alive but Edward insisted she stay with him. While I had no prolems with them living together , I wish they had let me know that I'd have alice before they moved.

I loved Alice I really did. It was just her dog obsession was becoming a bit much. One day I got a call telling me to come in to the piolice station to pick her up beausce she tied to steal a puppy from its front yeard. I heard of people doing stupid shit but this was un facking believable .

She tried to steal a dog.

A facking dog.

What had the world come to. She could have just baught one. But noooooo_ooooo_ she just had to try and steal one. And left me to fcuking bale her out.

Where were her botrher and her sister in law when she tried to do that? Why had they let her do that stupid shit if they knew she'd get in trouble.

After her little stunt in jail, she still wanted a dog. Begged and pleaded with me to get her one.

Said it would make the apartment seem fuller, and less likely that soemoen would try and break in.

I seriously thought she was joiking becayse where we were living was pretty fricaken safe. It drove me ujp the wall.

When I did ask her to marry me, I had a toy dog that barked when it was squeezed and hoped that it would solve the dog issue.

I did until we were married and she magically "lost" it.

At the airport.

IN the bathroom toilet.

After the honeymoon, we got back ot seATTLE and I gave her the money to buy a dog. I knew I should have went with her to prevent her from buying a dog that woudln;t scare the fuck out of me.

Instead I left it to her bff and her brother to "help" her with the dog picking. How wrong was I went I let that happens/ her brother knew I hated dobermen and yet he didn't stop her from buying just that. Stupid fucker.

When I walked in on her sucking on a banana like it was a cock, and tried to look totally innocent I knew I was in trouble. When the… the …. The thing barked I nearly pissed my pants. The silly pixie knew I ahte3d them. And then proceeded to tell me that the dog was named Giggles.

Seriously who fuckong names a Doberman giggles? Come on. That;s just cruel.

And gawd, was her mouth amazing wehns she put it on my dick, bucaesce if she hadn't donez it, I'd've yelled at her.

Her head bobbed up and down. the moaning hse did when she sucked my dick was… ugg … og god…. So good. Don't want her to stop. close, soooooooooooo very close.

Her teeth scatch along the neck of my dick before she gets to the head/ her teeth bite down and it becomes slightly painful

She scuks it ahrd after she bitez it and I jizzz in her warm motuh. Whenz it reached her boobies, she sticked her fingers inz it and swirled it around the puckered pretty pinks nipple. It looked yummy.

My moyth wnet to the dryier one and sucked hard. It tasted yummy when I wuz bite it. Her handzx went into zee hair before she turneded me onver to my bum.

Her sweet warm wet center goruneded into my dick. I loveded the feeling of her pussy on my dick. It feelz like it should be super gludeded there.

She'd rubbeded her pussy so much that I jazzed again on her pretty yellow panites. I loved those pantied. They've bbeen goodz to me. Andz theyzz madez her bodi look like a fucking pear. And it looked like it wanted to be bittin or sth.

Wehnz the pantiezx came off she bended over and stucked her sweet sweet bum in ma face/, I just had to bitez it then. \

Who wouldn't?

Well, besides her brothers, and parents.

And those other inlaws of hers.

And that stupid fucker James who I sewar wanted to murder me point black when we'z staretd to date but couldn't cux of Charliez.

I sitcked it into her many timez before jizzinfg again. While I jazzed into her, she cummed too. And I likeded it too very much.

Afrer both of us finized jissing she looked at me, and then down the hallwayz. We'z scared the dog off when she took out my dog. Tehe.

It was some sacary shizts that she had boughts thatz dawg. I do feel pretty bad for it because it's named giggles. I probably should be blaming her borhters. Theyz the onez that enable her silly dog obsession.

And fack, so did I. I feellz so bad that the dog was cursed with that name. Why alive gavez the dag that name I don't know.

But I do thinkz that it'll be teasted murcessily at the doggy park.

Damn, going to have to givez it a nickmane. Should call up my parents to seez what they think.

Fin.


End file.
